Sadie
I shouldn’t be the one to feel this pain
I can’t fucking believe I’m doing this again
Your menopausal mood swings are more than torture to endure
Your boring and repetitive lectures are conscious rambles you intentionally direct towards me
You ambivalent peice of garbage Please take pity on those worthy of
Some mercy
Or some mother fucking peace I don’t even have a distracting cock
Looming over my thoughts
Keeping me from blowing up into a sea
Of apathy
No, this time, I’m enjoying the comfort Of appropriating your Tylenol
Much like my summer fling with 4 or 5 Advil
Whenever my real emotions spring a leak
Rape me blasting my ears, Panadol filling the cracks of my blurry eyesight
Exit here. in my face As imaginary foes make their pace
Shady
I can tell he’s uncomfortable
Because all he ever does is leave
In such a hurry he can’t say bye
He doesn’t even take me He used to try and convince me
That I was worth thinking about
But now including me is out the question
and I don’t even fucking care
Because all these people are full of shit
I need a pill that full of hits
Smacks that hit me in the face and remind me reality’s in my way
Crying and realizing
Sleeping to Nirvana’s ‘Unplugged’
Bleeding wrists and underwear
Black socks and purple shirts 400mg is not enough
Wondering if I can convince her I’m still
Fucked up
Is my only escape from the grudges I hold
The envy I carry and the exhaust of my fucking shoulders.
Pathetic, Useless, and Addicted
Still useless and friendless
Not even he can cure me
If only that mother fucker
Had stayed behind again and again
A light
A pill
I need a hit
A cut
Someone to feel
I just might take that scum bag’s offer
If I think of a way to get what I want
So distracted and blind
It shouldn’t be hard to fill my hole
With the mass needed to bond
I wonder
If that scumbag was serious
When he asked
If I was free for the weekend
Cause he wanted to get trashed
I’d take him up on that offer right now
Cause I’m sober and leaking
Taking pills from a box
Saving money for fags.
Indulgence
Stick it in between my fingers
Watch it burn as I breath slow…
Feeling the hit attack my brain
Heart forced to beat as it takes the blow
Lift the glass and touch my lips
Soothing, soft, and clear like ice
Indulgence lifting you so high
Your heavy head lies on a cloud
Rising to limits unreached
Increasing risk as inhibitions drown
Crying tears of crimson joy
Still breathing high risks of dying death
Laughing at the pills I once employed
He whispers lyrics into my heart
So close to me
So far apart
Repeating
Believing
And lighting my death now
As I cry joy and breath nice and slow
A Phase
Watch me
Pay attention to my pleas
Do I have to get on my knees
You refrain from substance abuse
The consequence of suicide you confuse
Reaching for a compass with death in my throat
My real feelings surface water lying happily afloat
You love him, another, image of your perfect self
Knowing only autonomy
Jealous of territories uncovered
Stick guns n’ roses in my ear
And ponder scenarios of approaching you
Perfecting them
Expecting them
To bring your heart to mine
Nuts
Cry me a fucking river
and I’ll fucking drown you in it
Let me cut your fucking kidney
And your pointless moans
As you bleed love
The love that deprived my autonomy
The love that renowned you pious
The shit holding your nose high up
The bull keeping you breathing and pissing me off
Save your breath
Although I don’t know what for you live
I’d actually rather you talk yourself to death
Relieving those you burden
Allowing them a breath
A thought
A smoke
A swallow
A nap
A CD
You’ve turned me
into a delinquent
Noise
Swallow another one
Sip it again
Inhale slower
just to feel the hit
After holding you in for so fucking long
There is no choice left
All I do is watch you explode
From my head to my lungs
Breathing to speaking
It becomes harder to control
Over time
The love leftover
explodes
I implode
The End
Not yet
It’s here where I start
Exactly where you seem to end
Just for me
For everyone
That’s what I am to you
Nothing more
Than everyone
With dark brown eyes
Shadows in light.
